there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize