Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Even my vagina gasped.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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