Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
