So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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