super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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