it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
