Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
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Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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