so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Who died my cat blue again?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
