i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
