Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
