I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
