ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
