At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
