worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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