i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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