cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
