How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
