So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
