he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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