What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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