Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
