Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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