The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
