oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
