Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
