I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
