You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
