what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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