i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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