I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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