onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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