I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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