He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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