Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
should my penis look like a turkey
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
