I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
