I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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