Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
