Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
