You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
