she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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