it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
