Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
