He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think i got beer on your cat.
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