I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
