Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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