i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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