Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
