There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
