we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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