well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
