My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
