He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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