just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
