At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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