I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
