This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job