yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous