The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.