Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
